i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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