Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
