My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
