how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
