I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
