sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
