a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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