I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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