Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
