you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
