how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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