When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
