What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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