STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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