Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.