just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain