I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.