I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(