This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
