There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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