I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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