I wish my penis had an off switch
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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