i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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