she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
