I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize