I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
