new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
