My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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