I faked an abortion last night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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