If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
