I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
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From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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