you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
