i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
