I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
