Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
