Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
