I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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