i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
