Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
