don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
