at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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