i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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