It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
