Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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