Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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