i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize