This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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