somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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