so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
