If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
