I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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