I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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