Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
