So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
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I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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