The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
