I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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