fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
