Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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