His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
