I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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